Does your child cry over small things? 7 ways to help them calm down
Children are not born knowing how to manage anger, frustration or sadness. An expert explains why emotional outbursts happen and shares seven simple activities that can help children regulate their feelings.
Every parent has experienced a child crying uncontrollably over a small problem, throwing a tantrum in a supermarket, or refusing to calm down after getting upset. In those moments, it can seem like children are overreacting or misbehaving on purpose. However, experts say there is much more happening inside a child's brain than parents often realise.
According to Dr Shreya Singhal, Consultant – Pediatric Psychology at Madhukar Rainbow Children's Hospital, children are not born with the ability to control their emotions. Emotional regulation is a skill that develops slowly as the brain grows. The parts of the brain responsible for planning, reasoning and controlling emotions continue developing well into a person's twenties.
This means that when children experience strong emotions like anger, fear, disappointment or frustration, the emotional part of the brain takes over. At that moment, they are not choosing to behave badly. They simply do not yet have the brain development needed to calm themselves quickly.
The good news is that parents and caregivers play a major role in helping children learn this important life skill. Emotional regulation is not taught through punishment or lectures. Instead, it develops through everyday interactions where children feel safe, understood and supported.
WHY CHILDREN CANNOT CALM DOWN IMMEDIATELY
Dr. Singhal explains that when children become overwhelmed, their brain's "alarm system" becomes more active than the thinking part of the brain. This makes it difficult for them to listen to instructions, solve problems or control their reactions.
Instead of asking a child to "stop crying" or "calm down," parents should first understand that the child may not be able to do so immediately.
"It is neurobiology, not misbehaviour," she explains.
PARENTS' EMOTIONS MATTER TOO
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is trying to calm a child while they themselves are angry or stressed.
Children learn emotional regulation by observing and responding to the surrounding adults. Psychologists call this co-regulation, meaning a child's emotions are strongly influenced by the caregiver's emotional state.
If a parent stays calm, speaks softly and uses gentle body language, the child's nervous system begins to settle too.
On the other hand, shouting, threatening or becoming frustrated can make the child's emotional response even stronger.
Experts say acknowledging a child's feelings before correcting their behaviour helps them feel safe enough to regain control.
For example, saying, "I know you're upset because your toy broke," is often more effective than immediately saying, "Stop crying."
WHY PLAY AND MOVEMENT ARE IMPORTANT
Children do not always have the words to explain what they are feeling. Their emotions often come out through their behaviour instead.
Regular physical activity gives children a healthy outlet for stress, excitement and frustration.
Similarly, free, unstructured play allows children to solve problems, cope with disappointment and develop patience without constant adult direction.
Interestingly, even boredom can be helpful. When children are not constantly entertained, they learn creativity, independence and emotional resilience.
7 ACTIVITIES THAT HELP CHILDREN MANAGE BIG EMOTIONS
1. Deep breathing exercises
Simple breathing activities help slow the body's stress response. Parents can encourage children to imagine blowing up a balloon or smelling a flower and slowly blowing out a candle.
2. Drawing or colouring
Art gives children a safe way to express feelings they may not yet be able to explain with words.
3. Physical movement
Running, jumping, dancing, cycling or playing outside helps release built-up energy and reduces emotional tension.
4. Child-led free play
Allowing children to choose their own games encourages problem-solving, patience and emotional flexibility.
5. Storytelling about emotions
Reading stories where characters experience emotions like sadness, fear or anger helps children recognise and understand their own feelings.
6. Quiet connection with parents
Sometimes children do not need advice—they simply need a calm adult sitting beside them. A hug, gentle conversation or simply staying close can help them feel safe.
7. Let children experience healthy boredom
Not every moment needs to be filled with screens or activities. Giving children time to entertain themselves helps build creativity, resilience and frustration tolerance.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION TAKES TIME
Experts stress that emotional regulation is not something children learn overnight. It develops gradually through repeated experiences with caring adults who respond with patience, consistency and understanding.
Rather than expecting children to immediately control their emotions, parents should focus on creating an environment where children feel heard, supported and emotionally safe.
As Dr. Singhal explains, breathing exercises, creative activities and storytelling are valuable tools, but they work best when children already feel understood. In the end, helping children manage their emotions is less about stopping tantrums in the moment and more about building emotional skills through everyday interactions.
Over time, these small, consistent moments of connection can help children grow into emotionally confident and resilient adults.
Every parent has experienced a child crying uncontrollably over a small problem, throwing a tantrum in a supermarket, or refusing to calm down after getting upset. In those moments, it can seem like children are overreacting or misbehaving on purpose. However, experts say there is much more happening inside a child's brain than parents often realise.
According to Dr Shreya Singhal, Consultant – Pediatric Psychology at Madhukar Rainbow Children's Hospital, children are not born with the ability to control their emotions. Emotional regulation is a skill that develops slowly as the brain grows. The parts of the brain responsible for planning, reasoning and controlling emotions continue developing well into a person's twenties.
This means that when children experience strong emotions like anger, fear, disappointment or frustration, the emotional part of the brain takes over. At that moment, they are not choosing to behave badly. They simply do not yet have the brain development needed to calm themselves quickly.
The good news is that parents and caregivers play a major role in helping children learn this important life skill. Emotional regulation is not taught through punishment or lectures. Instead, it develops through everyday interactions where children feel safe, understood and supported.
WHY CHILDREN CANNOT CALM DOWN IMMEDIATELY
Dr. Singhal explains that when children become overwhelmed, their brain's "alarm system" becomes more active than the thinking part of the brain. This makes it difficult for them to listen to instructions, solve problems or control their reactions.
Instead of asking a child to "stop crying" or "calm down," parents should first understand that the child may not be able to do so immediately.
"It is neurobiology, not misbehaviour," she explains.
PARENTS' EMOTIONS MATTER TOO
One of the biggest mistakes parents make is trying to calm a child while they themselves are angry or stressed.
Children learn emotional regulation by observing and responding to the surrounding adults. Psychologists call this co-regulation, meaning a child's emotions are strongly influenced by the caregiver's emotional state.
If a parent stays calm, speaks softly and uses gentle body language, the child's nervous system begins to settle too.
On the other hand, shouting, threatening or becoming frustrated can make the child's emotional response even stronger.
Experts say acknowledging a child's feelings before correcting their behaviour helps them feel safe enough to regain control.
For example, saying, "I know you're upset because your toy broke," is often more effective than immediately saying, "Stop crying."
WHY PLAY AND MOVEMENT ARE IMPORTANT
Children do not always have the words to explain what they are feeling. Their emotions often come out through their behaviour instead.
Regular physical activity gives children a healthy outlet for stress, excitement and frustration.
Similarly, free, unstructured play allows children to solve problems, cope with disappointment and develop patience without constant adult direction.
Interestingly, even boredom can be helpful. When children are not constantly entertained, they learn creativity, independence and emotional resilience.
7 ACTIVITIES THAT HELP CHILDREN MANAGE BIG EMOTIONS
1. Deep breathing exercises
Simple breathing activities help slow the body's stress response. Parents can encourage children to imagine blowing up a balloon or smelling a flower and slowly blowing out a candle.
2. Drawing or colouring
Art gives children a safe way to express feelings they may not yet be able to explain with words.
3. Physical movement
Running, jumping, dancing, cycling or playing outside helps release built-up energy and reduces emotional tension.
4. Child-led free play
Allowing children to choose their own games encourages problem-solving, patience and emotional flexibility.
5. Storytelling about emotions
Reading stories where characters experience emotions like sadness, fear or anger helps children recognise and understand their own feelings.
6. Quiet connection with parents
Sometimes children do not need advice—they simply need a calm adult sitting beside them. A hug, gentle conversation or simply staying close can help them feel safe.
7. Let children experience healthy boredom
Not every moment needs to be filled with screens or activities. Giving children time to entertain themselves helps build creativity, resilience and frustration tolerance.
EMOTIONAL REGULATION TAKES TIME
Experts stress that emotional regulation is not something children learn overnight. It develops gradually through repeated experiences with caring adults who respond with patience, consistency and understanding.
Rather than expecting children to immediately control their emotions, parents should focus on creating an environment where children feel heard, supported and emotionally safe.
As Dr. Singhal explains, breathing exercises, creative activities and storytelling are valuable tools, but they work best when children already feel understood. In the end, helping children manage their emotions is less about stopping tantrums in the moment and more about building emotional skills through everyday interactions.
Over time, these small, consistent moments of connection can help children grow into emotionally confident and resilient adults.
